There are different ways of being patient in a relationship, some having to do with having patience in the actual process of the relationship itself and some having to do with being patient with your partner when they put the cinnamon away in the wrong place for the 100th time and you just want to scream but instead you politely ask if they can start putting it in the spices drawer instead of in the silverware cupboard.
Or something like that.
Learning how to be patient in a relationship is the key for success, though, because it will lead to a happier relationship and a happier you.
They say “patience is a virtue,” and that’s absolutely true here – not to an extreme, but in healthy ways.
Best Book for Dealing with Relationship Issues
This book, “Love More, Fight Less” is a game-changer when it comes to relationship issues if you are someone who is serious about fixing it once and for all (or realizing that it’s time to let go) (find it here).
I also highly recommend this “Questions for Couples” journal, which includes over 400 questions to help you reconnect and break the ice when you’re having a hard time remembering what made your relationship spark (find it here).
While therapy is always recommended in solving serious relationship problems, not everyone can afford it.
In that case, try out these couple’s therapy printable workbooks, which can help guide you through issues without leaving your house or spending a ton of money.
How to Be Patient in a Relationship when You Want it to Progress
The first kind of patience in a relationship to think about is when you want the relationship to go further or progress into something more.
Maybe the other person isn’t at that stage yet, or maybe you just have such intense feelings and you want time to hurry up so you can progress to future stages when it’s more acceptable to.
If your partner is the one who is asking you to be patient in the relationship because they’re not on the same page as you yet, you need to take stock of whether or not you feel this is coming from a healthy place or a place that you are understanding of.
This guide is to show you how to be patient in a relationship when you feel like you love them on the third date and they’re not there yet – not if you’ve been together for 10 years and they still don’t want to make it official.
Focus On Your Milestones
Whether you’re hoping to get engaged, consider yourselves officially together, or some other relationship milestone, it can help to focus on smaller milestones and where you’ve come in your relationship.
For a long time, there will be a lot of “firsts,” like the first time going away together, the first time meeting each others parents, the first time celebrating a birthday together, etc, and those show the progression o f the relationship even when you’re not necessarily moving into the next stage as fast as you might want.
You’re allowed to make a big deal out of any milestone you want, so if you want to celebrate your 8 month anniversary with all of the gusto of the one-year or you want to send a sweet message to commemorate 3 weeks together, go for it!
Accept that If It’s Meant to Be, It Will Be
The ultimate piece of advice I give when it comes to how to be patient in a relationship is that you’ve got to trust that if it’s meant to be, it still will be 1 month, 2 months, 1 year from now.
You might really like someone on the first date, but you don’t need to rush to move in together straight away because if the relationship is going to work out, you will be moving in together eventually.
Have some acceptance of the process of meeting and falling in love with someone and know that rushing it is never going to help – if it’s meant to be, it will be.
Realize that Time Means Authenticity
There’s something about time in a relationship which just leads to a genuine connection and an authenticity that you don’t get when you rush things.
There’s no point in getting engaged to someone that you only know on a surface level or panicking about being “official” with someone you just met an hour ago.
Again, this is with the caveat that you have to decide how much time is okay with you, but for the most part, if you’re impatient in a relationship, realize that the more time that goes on and the more hobbies for coulples you take on, the more trusting and genuine your milestones and relationship will be.
When you let those milestones happen more naturally rather than rushing them, you can be sure that they were real and not based off of a feeling of pressure or needing to keep up with other people.
Embrace Your Life Outside of the Relationship
Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean it should or needs to be your whole world.
If you’re getting impatient in your relationship, focus more on your life outside of the relationship to give you some perspective and make sure you, yourself, are growing as a person.
How to Be Patient in a Relationship when You’re In It
The other kind of patience in a relationship has to do with when you’re in one and you have to restrain yourself from losing your temper even though you told him that you had this event on Saturday about six million times this week even though he’s acting confused that it exists.
This kind of patience is for when you’re generally happy in your relationship, but you could learn to have some patience with your partner.
Remember to Breathe
Genuinely, this practical tip to having patience in a relationship and calming yourself when stressed can go a long way as it calms your body down and allows you to speak with a more measured tone.
Whenever you’re feeling frustrated or impatient with your partner, do some deep breathing before speaking to them about whatever it is.
Not only does this help to calm anxiety and other stress you may be feeling, but it means that it may be just long enough sometimes to realize that getting impatient isn’t even worth it and make you think twice before you unleash on them.
Take a Time Out Before You Confront Your Partner
There are some things where time is of the essence, ie if you have to leave at 8am and it’s 7:59am and your husband still isn’t ready to go.
However, some things that we lose patience over with our partners are actually habits that they keep doing or not doing that don’t need to be addressed right away.
In those cases, take a time out before you confront your partner, as you’ll come across less accusatory and more patient, and you might realize that it’s not even something to make a big deal about at all.
Realize That We All Have Strengths and Weaknesses
Everyone does annoying things.
Your partner does.
Your friends do.
We all have places in our life where we excel and places where we are super annoying.
Maybe your husband is a great cook and always has dinner on the table for the family, but he leaves his socks everywhere.
Maybe your girlfriend never puts the cinnamon back in the right spot, but she would go to the ends of earth to help you whenever you need it.
Of course, this only relates when those annoying things are small and actually don’t matter.
If your partner is doing something hurtful to you or other people, you don’t need to be strive to be the most patient person to address it.
Talk About the Real Issues
A lot of times, getting impatient with our partners happens because there is something else going on in your life or in the relationship.
Maybe you’re stressed at work, maybe the kids are stressing you out, maybe there is something else going on that is making you feel not so in love with your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Try to identify if there are larger things going on that need to be dealt with before you get too impatient, as you may find that solving those bigger issues helps a lot when it comes to learning how to be patient in your relationship.