Building confidence in yourself is one of the best things you can do for your life.
Whether you want to find love, find a business partner, or just feel good about yourself, learning how to build confidence in yourself is the best way forward.
People are attracted, both in a romantic sense and in a platonic and business sense, to people who are confident.
We love people who know where they are headed, or at least project the energy that they do.
And confidence, as opposed to arrogance, is believing in yourself and your abilities rather than thinking you’re better than everyone else.
You don’t have to be the best there ever was, you just have to start believing in your own abilities to problem solve, overcome obstacles, and be a person worth hanging out with.
I also read a great quote about confidence being something that we develop after we have “proof” to ourselves that we can do things.
If you don’t feel confident right away, that’s okay.
It’s something that grows and grows the more of a “success loop” you have, so it’s natural for it to take some time until you really grow in that confidence.
Still with me and wanting to up your confidence game?
Here’s how.
Must-Read Book for Finding Your Confidence
After scouring the world of self-help books, I’ve found the best one for embracing who you are, not apologizing for what you do or what you believe, and achieving more.
It’s called “You Are a Bada**: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life.”
This is seriously going to change your life, and you can find it here.
This self-love workbook is a fantastic way of realigning your own thoughts and outlook on yourself, which is important to do before you can really deal with anyone else’s feelings or thoughts about you.
1. Volunteer without Thinking
I don’t mean “volunteer” as in, head to a food pantry, I mean put yourself out there without overthinking whether you should or not.
If someone asks for a volunteer to give the presentation, raise your head.
If someone needs a volunteer to help set up for an event, you say “yes” before going through the loop in your head that tells you not to.
Part of that confidence loop is being able to do things to improve your confidence, but sometimes we stop ourselves by overthinking.
If you have a “say yes to everything” attitude, you’ll put yourself out there and then have to follow through, improving your confidence and giving yourself past examples of when you were able to achieve something.
We just have to shut our brains off for that initial “yes” where ordinarily we’d talk ourselves out of it.
2. Achieve Small Things
You don’t have to go out there and change the world in one day.
You don’t have to start with big goals or big life changes.
Improve your confidence by taking small steps.
Maybe you want to learn how to decorate cookies and start your own bakery: it’s not going to happen on Day 1.
Instead, go step at a time, learning how to make the cookie dough, then make the cookies, then celebrate the day you learned how to make the icing correctly, and then the day you learned how to put the icing in a piping bag.
The list goes on.
If you’re wanting to write a script, you can gain confidence in yourself by writing one scene at a time or one page at a time.
If you can write one page, you can write 100, but sometimes we need to achieve the small steps so we can put them together.
3. Exercise
Exercise is a proven way to make your body stronger.
There is no getting around it – if you work out a muscle, it will improve its strength. This can be a great way to improve your confidence for two reasons.
Firstly, the physical act of getting strong and maybe more toned is going to help improve your physical confidence in how you feel, which is going to translate to other areas of your life.
Secondly, it is going to give you an example of a time you worked at something and saw results over time.
There is no getting around that exercise will make you stronger, just like working on other areas of your life will help you improve them – but sometimes we need that “proof” first that we can stick with something and see results.
4. Seek Feedback
Okay, I admit that trying to build your confidence in a vacuum can be difficult.
Especially if you struggle with your self-esteem, you might not have the courage in you to believe in yourself at first, so seek feedback from others who you consider mentors or friends.
I’m not suggesting to stand in the middle of the street and have strangers comment on what they think you can accomplish, but have a heart-to-heart with people who know believe in you or feel positive thoughts towards you and get their feedback on your strengths and the way in which they feel you can contribute to the world.
5. Make a List of Positive Attributes
Whether someone else helps you come up with the list or you come up with it yourself, making a list of positive attributes is going to be a great way to build your confidence.
This isn’t about achievements.
You can have literally achieved nothing in the past 10 years, but you will still have attributes that should make you confident.
Maybe you’re someone who is: funny, determined, a good listener, empathetic, whatever it is.
Make a list of those positive character traits and remind yourself why you can do it.
6. Play to Your Strengths
If I’m not that coordinated, I’m not going to try and build my confidence by joining a softball team at first.
If I’m not great a math, I’m not going to try solve a math problem.
Instead, I’m going to become confident by playing to my strengths at first.
Everyone is good at something, and you should pursue those areas first and foremost if you’re lacking in self-esteem.
This will then give you the confidence to try new things that you might not already be good at.
7. Find Your Inspiration Source
I don’t mean finding the inspiration behind why you do things, but literally find an inspirational source that you can rely on when you feel like you need a confidence boost.
It could be a podcast, it could be a book you enjoy reading that always gets you pumped up, it could be watching Ted Talks.
Get out of your own head and let someone else do the talking for a little bit by finding a source of inspiration, even if it’s just an inspirational song on repeat that encourages you to say yes, to achieve things, to embrace the life you have or to take that next step.
